16 September 2015

An Explanation About Before






In school, there was a paper that everyone had to read called I and Thou by Martin Buber. According to the author, there are two relationships in this world that take the form in two basic word pairs, I-You, and I-It. I-You represents relationship between a person and another, where one does not judge, or categorize specific details of someone or something, but rather, take whole of the person or thing in the present, as whole. I-It relationships represent the past, where one ends up picking apart what they see. The final sentences of the paper states that without I-It, we cannot survive, but without I-You, we are not human.
I know that this paper sounds confusing—it’s probably one of the more difficult papers I have ever read in school, and it took about two weeks to even get ahold of what he’s saying, but trust me, what I am going explain is going to make much sense as to why I opened with this in the first place.
Some of you may know that life isn’t necessarily at its peak right now, and so, without going into much detail, I made a deal with my parents in which could to continue on doing after school activities as long as my grades are straight A’s. If my grades pass this little “benchmark”, I can continue the next quarter, and if not, goodbye activities for the rest of the semester. So, of course, I said, okay. I will take on this challenge. 

The challenge isn’t as easy to maintain. My grades have currently fluctuated throughout the entire grading scale, and while most of the grades in my classes do make the mark, there are two others that need work. I’ve been studying and memorizing and rewriting and visiting the teachers—

All of this to that I’m secluded and can’t enjoy the little things any more. 

Everything is I-It—everyone is for the future. I study, I work, but I spend my lunch period either asking for help on math or eating my ravioli in the library all by myself while the rest of my friends are off in another teacher’s room that, unlike them, I don’t share with. I can’t even enjoy rehearsal anymore because I’m constantly focused about school, and now the place that I considered my only solace just draws away. It’s constantly the thought in my mind.

Do you want me to tell you what I told my dad after five minutes of being logged into my laptop?
“I’m bored.” 

Literally, this is what I said. Life has been so mundane to the point that I haven’t posted anything in a while. I may be introverted, but I want to talk to people. I crave I-You. I don’t like wasting two hours of my life every day either waiting for the following day to come or just dreading it. I want to go back to rehearsal and school appreciate even the smallest things, but I rarely notice it because I’m constantly in the future. Things like our youngest cast member wearing these cute Halloween knee socks, talking about our jobs after we graduated from Hogwarts (um, half of the people I know are star Quiddich players), and fangirling over Avatar: The Last Airbender; where have these things gone?

Plus, last year, I didn’t do any activities after October, and well, let’s just say that everything for me just slumped there, too. I wouldn’t eat for days and my grades dropped even lower.

It’s important to have school, I get that. Education isn’t something that should be thrown away, and there are many parts of the world where education is still a right being fought for. On the other hand, is that it to life? Mustn’t we also be educated in the lessons that the world offers us, such as friendship, compassion, empathy, and courage? There are just some things that can’t be plainly taught through books and school lessons.

Let’s hope life goes up, shall we?

(P.S. Over the course of the next several weeks, get ready for some more heavy filled posts similar to the one about feminism.) 

40 comments:

  1. I'm sorry you've been having a difficult time, hon. I've been in that boat before, and It's wicked. I hope you are able to get back into the swing of things soon. I'll be thinking about and praying for you. <3

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    1. Life's gotten better, but right now the balances between "good" and "bad" in my life are going to be tipped as to what is going to happen over the next several days. <3 Thanks, dear.

      xoxo Morning

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  2. There is DEFINITELY more to life than just academics. I've been feeling that slump of a mundane lifestyle too, mainly because I feel like life is so routine that even when something exciting does happen, I still feel like I'm bored. I think I'm in need of a drastic change. As for you, don't quit all your activities! Don't spend your lunch times studying - well not every lunch time anyway. Make sure you keep a balance in your life with friends and co-curriculars and the occasional exciting new experience. I-Yous and I-Its are a totally different matter, because I reckon those relationships are based on your own observations as well as how close you are to the person, which you can never force.

    -M
    The Life of Little Me

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    1. Mundanity is something that I try to fight every day... thus the reason why I sign myself up for so many activities, just so that way I get try to get out of the slump! To be honest, I actually did follow your advice; some lunches I'm actually just relaxing and running around the school, talking to my various friends. And yes, I-You and I-It relationships are so confusing, but they do help out with opening my eyes up a bit, to the world.

      xoxo Morning

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  3. OMW. I just started high school this year, and trust me, THE STRUGGLE IS REAL! Keeping up with your grades as well as having fun can be a bit hard. :P Praying for you dear <3

    xoxo,
    megann
    (p.s. did you get my email??)

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    1. Have fun with high school! It's going to be a fun ride-- that's the reason why I haven't posted as frequently during this time of the year. Keeping grades up is just hard... so indeed, the struggle is, in fact "real." XDDD

      xoxo Morning

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  4. I know exactly where you're at, my darling girl. Life is bitter sometimes. I've been struggling with pointlessness lately, with the pain of being empty choking everything I am. How can people stay so empty and survive? I don't think they can. I just keep praying and seeking, and I will be praying and seeking for you as well. ♥♥♥ xx

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    1. Thank you so much for these words, dearest Adelaide. Everything in life does seem dull and gray... I guess the thing is is just to keep holding on and hope and know that there is something better, and we're trying to work towards that. Prayer helps so much, too-- I've been going back to Sunday school classes (I don't know the proper name for it) and though I dislike waking up early in the morning from it, you do learn a lot about the power of prayer.

      xoxo Morning

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  5. I totally understand what you're going through, Morning. I read your post the other day, that you deleted later, and while I didn't get the chance to comment on it, I could completely relate with what you were talking about.
    Really, life is SO much more than academics. They're important, but at the end of the day, they're not the most important thing. Definitely don't quit your activities. I think that what I would say is, when you ARE'NT studying, ENJOY IT!!! Live it. When you aren't studying, don't even think about schoolwork. Laugh with your friends, enjoy the moment. When you look back on school, that's what you want to remember. Those little, beautiful moments.

    Hope things look up for you. :)
    xoxo
    Grace Anne // http://totallygraced.blogspot.com/

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    1. Gah, that post... well, I just posted it at the spur of my heightened emotions-- I really dislike having to lash out like that, and I tend to keep thoughts and feelings to myself, but at the time I just felt like I really needed to post. Yes, that's so right! I mean, sure, we can stress at the end of the day about the quizzes and such we have to do for tomorrow, and they do projectile to a bright future, but how does that all give us time to enjoy things? That's why I try to do extra-curriculars-- at those places do I see those beautiful moments.

      Thank you so much for your comment, Grace. You've really got me thinking.

      xoxo Morning

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  6. I totally understand what you're feeling! Life's been crazy for me, too. Both dance and voice classes are starting for me this week, and I've been getting a lot more school work. I hope that everything goes well for you, and I know that you'll be able to keep up your grades, because you're amazing ♥
    Amy xx

    Little Moon Dragon

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    1. Ah, dance and vocal classes! They're so much fun! But that with the demands of schoolwork... they give me shivers. Thank you <3

      xoxo Morning

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  7. Preach! This is so well-stated. I read somewhere that education is important and all, but there's a difference between being challenged to step up and do well in your grades and breaking down crying every night because school is so stressful.

    - Ellie

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    1. There really is! Sometimes, I don't know.... I'm too advanced to fall back down, but struggling at times to keep up, and at times, I have to ask myself, where do I prefer? At the end of the day, I choose the latter option, only because I know that even if it's hard, what I'm trying to accomplish, is worth it. I sometimes ponder that balance of school and free time, though...

      xoxo Morning

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  8. Well said, darling! One of the many reasons my parents homeschooled me was because they wanted me to learn early on how to lead a balanced life--one where academics were important, yes, but also the importance of loving and living life was stressed. Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying that all kids should be homeschooled and that if you weren't homeschooled, it was a mistake or anything hahaha. Because everyone is different. Being homeschooled just makes it a lot easier to be "balanced" but discipline and routine is a tad harder when it's just your parents as your disciplinarians, instead of a school board and a principle. You know what I mean? Sorry if I'm not making sense :P

    Keep it up, dearest Morning <3 Continue to say strong and I hope your school goes fabulous! Very much looking forward to your next post hehe xx

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    1. You are super lucky to be homeschooled. Often times, I have fancied the thought of being homeschooled, but none of my parents could teach me because both are at work most of the time. I get your gist about parents being harder disciplinarians, though! :)

      xoxo Morning

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  9. I just started high school.. ( well, I'm homeschooled ) but it's still tough. Dancing 20 hours a week, it can be very difficult! Just trying to get good grades though...

    maddysdigitaldiary.wordpress.com

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    1. Ack, high school! Welcome to the club XD It can be stressful, but it sure does open up, I guess. You dance for 20 hours a week? Lucky! Besides sleeping for 56 hours a week and being at school 30 hours, I don't do much after.The third biggest thing that takes up my time are rehearsals, which are only 15 hours per week... Dance is much fun! Good grades... Don't get me started on the hardships to earn and maintain them in high school O-O

      xoxo Morning

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  10. I'm going through the same thing, dear <3
    Trying to balance school with you know, fun, is killing me.

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    1. JORDY DON'T DIE ON ME >.< We're all in this together. *coughs at High School Musical pun* *breaks out into a dance number*

      xoxo Morning

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  11. I totally understand. It's so hard to balance school work with friend time. You're om ,y thoughts and good vibes.

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    1. Balancing the lives we have now as students is challenging... I'm very intimidating to see what the college life and what happens after that has to offer.

      xoxo Morning

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  12. oh girl, I feel the struggle. I just want you to know I appreciate how honest your posts are. thanks for letting us into your world <3 you're not alone!

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    1. <3 Trying to go through this is difficult, but revealing my thoughts and feelings are the hardest; I'm not the most open person-- it's surprising though, how a lot of posts that relates the most to others' struggles that no one talks much about are the posts tht get so much attention.

      xoxo Morning

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  13. Morning, you still doing blog designs? I would love an update to my old one, but if not that's totally okay!

    xoxo,
    megann

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    1. :D I can't believe it took me that long to create you a design.. :P

      xoxo Morning

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  14. I sometimes wonder, too, how wise it is to teach kids that all that matters in life is grades. Because what does that lead to? College, and then a degree (hopefully), and then to a "good" job (if you're lucky). So is that all that's important in life? Working hard, staying up late, sweating, mentally berating yourself, making yourself sick over grades--all to end up with some job you don't want, making a bunch of money you don't need? Is that where our lives are supposed to lead to?

    I so agree with you, and I feel that struggle okay. I'm barely making A's and B's, math is killing me, and I don't feel like I'm very smart anymore--I used to be in a gifted program, and was generally accepted be a really smart kid. But now I feel far below average and doubt myself even more than I used to. *sigh* But I'm going to do it, I'm going to do this tough and sometimes seemingly pointless schoolwork, because I want to go to a college where I choose what I do. I want to do what I love, and I want to do it for a living, and unfortunately, you usually have to get a degree to do that. So I'm going to struggle, in order to live contentedly later on.

    It's good that you value time with other people; I'm terrified of other people and often find solace in being completely alone with my laptop, Kindle, and phone. I am an unhealthy example of today's youth. *yet another sigh*

    O | Life as a Young Lady

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    1. It's like the trap depicted in Paper Towns. I seriously love how John Green touched about how our lives are kind of already mapped out; his books are so hard to digest but I know he writes about things that are important to him and the issues he writes, some of them, at least, do relate so much. I guess, as well, people are enforcing for going off the college of a better life-- lives haven't always been this easy. The only reason why we even have our teenage years is because our society has improved and gave us that time, compared to hundreds of years ago, where we would all people married by the time we were 15 or 16.

      That's what I realized to, through the struggle-- it seems pointless now, but it all serves a purpose for sometime in our future-- even, surprisingly *GASP* the dreaded math. People don't even understand why schools teach history, but history is important too-- they help us look back at our pasts to potentially learn from mistakes.

      I don't try to shy away talking to people (okay, that's kind of a white lie) but I have needed the need to have some solitude and then go off to talk to some close friends-- I want to be alone sometimes, but not fully lonely.

      xoxo Morning

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  15. Hey Morning! GREAT POST! I just wanted to let you know that you won a couple of things in my Blogger Choice Awards, so I'd LOVE for you to check them out on my blog, thanks!

    Rukiya XX

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    1. I'm so happy I actually received two awards! I'm super shocked! O-O Thanks so much!

      xoxo Morning

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  16. hey morning :) this post is startlingly true, to be honest. for me, school is definitely getting tougher, (that's kind of how it's supposed to be i suppose, the further you go along, the harder it gets) but i'm not falling below the waves. but truthfully, i can agree with you. school has a tendency to just suck you in, and while, yes, you DO need to be somewhat concerned about your grades and whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life working McDonald's, never get so busy making a life that you forget how to live.
    i am a ardent person for living a life that you are happy about. true, life can be a little stressful here and there, or maybe a lot sometimes, but overall, if one has their faith in God, and if they believe that what's in His book is true, honestly, it WILL all work out in the end. Struggling is part of life, but the main thing is if you're gonna let that depress you or make you rise up to the challenge. Life is truly beautiful, when I look back on all the days I've survived. The sun was still there, and I was still breathing. Every second is a gift, and even though sometimes it FOR sure don't really feel like it, in the end, it'll be worth it. Stay strong <3
    (also, Good Fight by Unspoken is a song that I thought of when writing this comment)

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    1. I've been going back to church lately, and honestly after the retreat, praying to God even if your struggling is what we should do-- because we know that things would work out, in the end. I'm trying so hard to study well and learn what I can, but I don't even know what college I'm going to land up in! Like, sometimes it appears futile. But I don't want it to be futile-- I want life to be beautiful, despite all of its hardships. That's why we should keep on going.

      xoxo Morning

      P.S. Going to go listen to that song now ^.^

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  17. I understand. Its definitely hard to balance out the different parts of your life.

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  18. I agree. I think a lot of times nowadays schools, parents, and society put pressure on kids to be geniuses and stuff - especially with society's recent giant obsession with education. Like, chill, okay? Learning is important, but not so important it should affect your happiness and mental health.
    Besides which, a lot of times people whose talents lay outside of school are especially affected. I know a girl who's an amazing musician, but she just doesn't test very well. She gets anxiety that she'll forget all the answers, and then, even if she's studied for hours the night before, she'll get anxious during the test and fail or get a D instead of a B or A like she might have. She gets really upset about this, especially as she has an older sister who's in all AP classes and gets ultra high grades and stuff. I think schools and parents and teachers just need to chill and realize that not everyone's naturally gifted at school and the style of teaching used within (often more rote memorization and notes than hands-on or visual) and they shouldn't pushed to be "geniuses".

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    1. I agree with everything you said, that first paragraph-- education is important, but we should be able to learn at our own speed. For me, I have to be in the fast gifted lane because if I go under that, I get bored-- that has been my experience since the fifth grade.

      Yikes! I feel bad for the girl-- it's super hard to live up to people's expectations. I try my best to do so in those circumstances, but like her, I get super stressed. The only thing that keeps me going is the fact that I know things would get better. All my middle school life I have been surrounded by four amazing people who I do admire greatly, even today, but I know that I can never be as good as them in the field that They succeed in, you know? I get her struggle so much.

      xoxo Morning

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  19. Oh my gosh. This post is brilliant, Morning. I'll have to get my hands on that paper you were talking about. The I-You and I-It was a bit hard to understand but they're interesting concepts.

    There's this book called Paper Towns, and it says something similar. "Our lives have become the future". Because it's true, isn't it? Everything we do is for a job in the future. The job is for our retirement. I don't know, it seems a sad way to live to me. But at the same time, I can't escape it. It's more than just my parents telling me to get good grades, as your parents do to you, but it's like, where would I be without society to pave the path for me? The hardest thing in the world is to pave your own path. And I think that's why dropouts like Bill Gates and Steve Jobs were so successful, because they knew how to do that.

    I wish anyone had a solution for all of us. Good luck, Morning. I hope you get the grades you want. :)

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    1. I'm going to tell you right off of the bat-- Buber's paper is HARD. It's hard to fully understand the concept.

      Secondly, YAY YOU MENTIONED PAPER TOWNS! I remember I told you on your blog that was my favorite John Green book-- his book came so much into my mind when I was writing this post, to be honest. It's so weird how our society doesn't give us a plan B; either we go to college, get a degree, then a job, or... Well, like Isaid, society doesn't really give a plan B. I do agree that there are some super successful people despite the fact they dropped out of college. Well, things will work out.

      xoxo Morning

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  20. Hey Morning, it's Rukiya!

    I'm going to send your questions for your Blogger Choice Awards interview hopefully tomorrow! Have a brilliant week, bye!

    Rukiya XX

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    1. Odd, I haven't received the questions yet... :/

      xoxo Morning

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Stay strong and wonderful!
xoxo Abigail Lennah