03 August 2015

Sometimes, It's Okay to Cry.


Sometimes there are post ideas that you desperately want to write about but later decide against because the idea hasn't manifested and grown to what you think is its greatest potential. Until about two weeks ago, when I was browsing through old posts and watched the movie Inside Out did I realize that it's about time that this post would come to life.

This will be one of the hardest blog posts I'll ever have to write. I end up sharing posts about my life and thoughts, but it's hard for me to open to people about sensitive parts about my past, it really is. So, bear with me, okay? 

I don't think I told you what I wrote about in my revelation essay, and it's about time I should. One of the main things my essay revolved around was the topic of crying. Let me tell you, I cry a lot. I easily get upset. I'm a perfectionist and I am hard on myself if I don't accomplish whatever I'm doing, mainly revolving around school and my goals. 

It's nothing to be ashamed about, but because of the amount that I cried when I was around the age of nine or ten, people would often look down on me with a shake of their disapproval. They would tell me, "Stop crying, don't ever show you're upset. You're nine: you aren't allowed to cry."

I could get their perspective, to a degree. In work environments in society you're supposed to be professional and stoic at all times, but in the back of my head there was always that unspoken question of, "Why? Why is it bad to cry? Why am I not allowed to cry?"

Why is it that parts of society view crying as a sign of weakness?

As a young girl at the age of nine, I did what I was told. I didn't cry much in public. I cried less, but I felt miserable and put on a cold, distrusting barrier surrounding myself when I entered the fifth grade. For the first few weeks I was always cautious being with my table group, viewing them with steel-coated eyes, but I don't think they ever noticed that about me.

I was a different person back then. I was scared and confused about the world, but hey: fifth grade was the first time I was exposed to some of the more mature, adult issues of this world, all occurring in the classroom.


As a young girl, I was often shy and reserved. To get an idea in your mind of who I was in the story I am about to tell you I've included this photo that my teacher took in the fifth grade-- I was, and still am, completely camera shy (but you can totally tell I was trying hard not to laugh in the photograph).

One of the first assignments that everyone had was to go up to the front of the class and talk about something sentimental relating to ourselves, and I was volunteered (as tribute) to be one of the first ones to present. I felt good, watching other people and thinking, "I'm going to do great, my presentation will go all smooth, blah blah blah."

The teacher called my name to talk in front of the class. All of my previous thoughts carrying a hint of arrogant flare deflated in my mind. Twenty some pairs of eyes gave me their attention. My own voice came out of my mouth, but it did not register in my mind I was giving an attempt to talk. My eyes grew bigger and bigger, and then--

I realized I couldn't do it. I broke down and went outside of the classroom.

I remember sitting on the floor with my hands in my hair, just crying to myself how I failed to handle such a single task, how I wasn't allowed to weep or show emotion, and most importantly, how I was scared of everything. My best friends from fourth grade both moved. People told me over the summer to stop crying and nearly beated out most of the confidence that I had in myself. Everyone in the classroom was a stranger to me, and at recess I would walk dismally around the perimeter of the school. I remember trying to stare into the room through the window, but my tears blocked my vision.

The next thing I know, I could make out of my vision a silhouette-- the teacher-- walking and opening the door. He tried to talk to me (how the conversation went, I can't remember) which first, upsets me even more, but slowly causes my tears to recede and my responses to be, "Okay. I'm... okay. Uh-huh, I'm sorry."

That was the first time, in a long time, that I broke down my walls and let myself be vunerable to everyone, because after that, changes started to happen, and I can't say that from there, everything turned great, because there were times when things fluctuated and things were looked on an exponential growth. I still sobbed often. But.

I became less cold to everyone and actually started to be more expressive. In fact, being much more open to cry made me empathize with more people, which is a coincidence, considering that our first assignment was to know the difference between sympathy versus empathy. The people at my table group that I first condemned to be weirdos I actually became friends with, resulting in arguing and one eye staring contests with the grapes (don't ask). I seriously regret that judgement on them more than anything in my life, and that's why I'm more accepting of people.


Sometimes, we should be expressive about how we feel. Sorry Elsa, but it can be unhealthy to always "conceal, don't feel." Society, perhaps, is always in this huge state of working towards one's own happiness and perhaps they need to stay strong and not be sidetracked by other problems, thus the reason why we are told not to cry and just retain a grin. Or maybe, people have trouble with showing they're feeling down

It can be hard to be expressive to others, and we can be judged by those passing by, but those people who are really by your side will stop and listen. That's what should matter. So, if you are having a bad day and feel the need to sob, it's okay.

It's okay to cry.

35 comments:

  1. This is so sweet. Aw thank you so much cause I needed this. xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *Hugs* It was definitely hard for me to write, but I'm glad that this has helped you to a degree.

      xoxo Morning

      Delete
  2. I absolutely loved reading this. It showed me - once again - that everyone goes through their hard times. Everyone has to conquer something.

    (And I'm so glad you posted this, because for the last several days I've been working toward getting my license and it's been a rather...emotional time.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Everyone does have to conquer something, and for me, it was getting through the hard times. I do have to admit, that those hard times where my confidence has been knocked out-- it keeps me from being fully able to actually branch out, you know?

      xoxo Morning

      P.S. I hope you get your driver's license soon. Driving is scary and though you may be going through an emotional time right now, you can get through it. I believe in your. Okay? :)

      Delete
  3. Sometimes the idea of crying all our problems away is lovely in a way. Thank you for this post because you've reminded me that there's no real reason why we have to hide our tears. It's not a sign of weakness at all. This also spreads to wider issues, because we should never be afraid to show everything of ourselves.

    -M
    The Life of Little Me

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Crying is quite therapeutic, because it really does release hormones that are supposed to make you feel better, and to keep everything bottled up inside-- it's hard. Like, how are people supposed to know you aren't okay with something if you aren't going to express it, either by an action or by words?

      Sometimes, the past haunts me and it keeps going in my mind that crying is bad, but every time those thoughts comes to me, I say it's a sign of strength: you're showing how you feel and that emotion, which can be one of the most difficult things to do in the world. Thank you; I'm glad to hear that others are agreeing with me.

      xoxo Morning

      Delete
  4. Everyone goes through hard times. Such a perfect post. I needed this. :)
    <3
    Aliah

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Everyone does, but the good thing is, we aren't alone in dealing with these trials. <3 <3 <3

      xoxo Morning

      Delete
  5. This is such a lovely post! I'm really weird with crying, I feel like I don't cry enough when I'm "supposed" to and cry to much at random things ♥
    Amy xx

    Little Moon Dragon

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Amy! Just because you don't cry during the times you are supposed to cry doesn't mean that's bad. It's much better than crying at nothing at all; I've read that it's bad if you hold it all in....

      xoxo Morning

      Delete
  6. This is so true, and perfect!
    ~Emily

    ReplyDelete
  7. gah, this post is perfect. how did you know? i'm emotional too. a LOT. and whilst i've never been told not to cry, i try as hard as i can to hold the tears in. until i'm alone and then the waterfall gushes. it's hard, very hard. but there was this one post i read once that said "tears are prayers too" and I agree with that. when your heart is in that much pain to utter words, tears are prayers too. this was a very good post, morning =)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe I have ESP powers. The mind reading sort. *giggles*

      I never thought of it that way, tears being prayers.... I guess they are in a sense-- if you're crying about something sad, then it's a prayer about wanting to have times to be better, and if they're happy tears, you're being thankful, etc. I'm like you in the sense that I try to hold it all in, but it just spills out. It comes out. Thank you, Autumn.

      xoxo Morning

      Delete
  8. This is beautiful, absolutely beautiful and personal and raw, and I loved reading it. I'm the kind of person more prone to being emotional and breaking down as well, so I totally feel you :) Thanks for opening up and writing this amazing post <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, Elisabeth. Hearing that... it means a lot to me. <3

      xoxo Morning

      Delete
  9. Amazing post, thank you for sharing your experiences and opening up; you're right, the ability to cry - to feel - makes you more empathetic to the feelings of other people. That's such an important quality in a community. :) I'm a crier as well, but of a different kind - the angry, tempermental kind rather than shyness. I'm not hot-headed, I don't pick fights and I can control my temper. But for some reason, I cry when I get really, really angry. Does this happen to you?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If I told people more about my personality in the fifth grade... well, let's just say that it wasn't the best. I know about angry tears, too-- I actually read this book that has this whole chapter dedicated to angry tears (I forgot why; the book was about paper origami Yoda). But sometimes, I do cry angry tears, but it rarely ever happens, because I try to avoid conflict and getting angry but when I do argue and I'm just furious, it comes out.

      xoxo Morning

      Delete
  10. This is so inspirational. Especially through hard times. It's okay to cry. Great post.

    ~ Sarah : )
    * The Joys Of Life *

    ReplyDelete
  11. Yeah. Like in inside out, it's okay to be sad. It's okay to cry. I nearly cried reading this post :) good job!
    Awesomebloggerblack.blogspot.com.au

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Inside Out was such a great movie, wasn't it? Because I'm someone who loves reading on the IMDB, I spoiled myself on how the movie went, but it didn't take away the fact that I thought of it as being a similar story to my own. Thank you, Mia!

      xoxo Morning

      Delete
  12. This post is so sweet<3
    I am emotional to. Like really emotional:)
    This was such a great post, dearest<3
    -Clara

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, m'dear. :) Emotion is raw, but when it comes to the sensitive vulnerable ones, that's when you know it's genuine.

      xoxo Morning

      Delete
  13. I'm glad you found peace with yourself, your emotions, and others. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Bethany. Some days are better than others when it comes to remembering those feelings, but... I guess I'm okay. ^.^

      xoxo Morning

      Delete
  14. My mindset is in sync with yours on this subject. Truly, those words are wonderful. And this is the best blog post I've read all day, Morning.
    When I share little bits of my heart and mind, I also find it scary. I'm nervous and self conscious and I don't like to do it often. But bravery is a quality, and braving whatever the outcome of standing for what you believe in is a beautiful thing.
    Also, I can relate, very well, to the first paragraph you wrote here. About how it takes awhile for blog posts to reach their full potential.

    You're brilliant.

    -T. x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Tane; you've made me feel a bit less terrified. Blogging has been a scary journey for me because sometimes, I don't know how people are going to react, reading my posts. There are thousands of blogs out there and it's like, "Why would people want to read my posts?" So I wait. And I listen. And I think. It takes so much time for me to brainstorm and idea. It's rare that I come up with something to post, unless my family goes to an event that's a one-time sort of thing.

      xoxo Morning

      Delete
  15. This really is the most inspirational and true post I've ever come to read. You have personally moved and changed me as a person. Thank you.

    - www.whatlexieloves.blogspot.com

    Xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Lexie. :) It always gives me joy when people read posts and when people are inspired and moved by it; it's one of the best kinds of gifts out there. *hugs*

      xoxo Morning

      Delete
  16. I hear ya! A lot of times when I start crying I forget the real reason I'm crying and end up crying because I feeling guilty for crying when so so many other people have it worse than me. and don't get me wrong, it's good to keep it in perspective, but crying (scientifically) is good for you, if it's not overdone or anything. So sometime's it's best to not try to hide your feelings so much!! ♥

    ReplyDelete
  17. I just came across your blog by chance, and I just need to say that this speaks a lot to me - I cry so much, and almost every single person thinks it's a good idea to tell me to stop, shut up, etc. which just makes me feel even worse than I already do when I try to stop. I need to keep these words in mind. Thank you for writing this.

    ReplyDelete
  18. This is so true! I've always been a perfectionist and I remember crying when I got my first B in fifth grade. My teacher was really nice and she hugged me, but to think back it must've been so embarrassing. My eyes water a lot nowadays as well, when somebody says something mean to me, when I talk about for me delicate subjects or even get a B. Yeah, I get upset easily and it's so embarrassing for me, because I just don't know how to stop the tears and be stronger. I'm so happy that managed to get better at it. <3 xxx

    ReplyDelete

Hi there, reader! Thank you so, so much for having time to read my posts and comment; I really appreciate it, and I promise I will try to reply back! I'd also love it if you would follow my blog too and spread the word; that would make my day. :D Have a great day!

Stay strong and wonderful!
xoxo Abigail Lennah