17 February 2015

Freedom





“Charlotte, come on! You have to come try this with us.”

I shake my head hesitantly in response to the beckoning of my friends. The sun light’s rays waltz as it swoons to the lullaby that Mother Earth—sweet Mother Earth—sings to her children every night. The sky was beautiful, the weekend beckons, and the wild adventurous spirits of my friends come to life. I can see that spark of teenage rebellion and recklessness in their eyes. This is the thing that my parents tell me to stay away from, but yet intrigues me at the same time.

“She doesn’t have to try riding in the back of the truck with us. I know this is an open high way and no one ever drives through here, but still. We’re not pressuring you, Char. It’s okay. You can sit inside.” My friend Maye sends me a smile, but her eyes avert contact with mine. I can sense what is going through her head—there goes quiet Charlotte. Charlotte, with her brown hair and hazel eyes, chained to her plainness and never daring to take a risk in her life.

I need to prove them wrong. No, I have to prove them wrong. 

It’s true what they say. I am terrified of life. I’m sixteen, and I need to grow out of this clustered shell that has protected me from the rest of the world. I need to branch out and experience life. I swaddle my shoulders with my oversized wool sweater as everyone packs up the rest of the campsite. 
“Well, are you coming, or what?”

This time, it is my friend, Chase, who calls out to me. “Um… um, yes I am coming.” Then, before I can stop the words from coming out of my mouth, I say, “I want to ride in the back.”

“Are you sure about that, Brownie-hair?” I laugh at that nickname and stick my tongue out, but Chase’s facial expression, a serious façade, does not change. I thank the stars that the night sky was almost dark; I can feel my cheeks heat up lightly. “Look, I don’t want to pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do.”

“I really want to ride in the back of the truck.”

“But Charlotte, are you sure?”

“Absolutely.” My eyes meet his dark brown, and without another word, he extends a hand to lift me up to the back of the van. I am greeted by four pairs of staring eyes, and a cry of light squeals, coming gently out of Maye. Maye pats down a seat that is located toward the interior of the back and I wiggle my way to get comfortable.

Chase knocks to the driver of the car. “Go slow,” he mouths.

“Okay, will do,” the driver agrees. Chase jumps onto the cargo area. 

“Hold on tight! Just say when it gets too fast and I’ll yell at Mark to slow down.”

The driver rumbles the truck to life and we begin to move. I close my eyes, willing myself to not go carsick and puke, or make myself look like a fool in all of the possible ways I could in the back of the truck. The car’s pace quickens. I anchor my hands to the bottom of the platform I sit on. I am still terrified. 

But then I slowly open my eyes.

I look up to see the sky once again. The world dances in a circle, the stars prance, but oh, the sky and the children of the earth, and they dance in a wave, the crops waving to and fro to reach their tops to the sky! Mother Earth and Father Sky are smiling and celebrating in a wild fashion, to the rustle of the fields, to the chugging of the engine, to the laughter that wells out of me. 

I raise my hands and let my palms feel the cool air rush between the spaces of my fingertips. I have taken a chance. I am breathing, I am alive.

Most of all, I am f r e e.

Hi guys! This was something that came out in the spur of the moment; it's unedited, but I think I am going to rewrite this. Tell me what you think.

40 comments:

  1. Don't rewrite it.

    Leave it raw.

    Leave it honest.

    Because, darling, that was the most wonderful thing I've read in awhile. I could feel in down in my soul that yearns for that kind of freedom.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Candence. I'm still really tempted to rewrite it because I'm kind of cringing... the vision of the story got lost towards the end, and I felt that when I was writing it, so I may rewrite that bit, but thank you so much. ♥♥♥

      xoxo Morning

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  2. Replies
    1. Thank you, Emily. YOU, m'dear, are amazing. :)

      xoxo Morning

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  3. This was nice...doesn't seem unedited at all :)

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    1. It wasn't edited at all, but thanks!

      xoxo Morning

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  4. Don't rewrite it. This is amazing!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I'm really tempted to rewrite it... XD

      xoxo Morning

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  5. You don't need to re write this-it's amazing~
    I always have spur of the moment writings
    ~Emily

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    1. I always have spur of the moment writings too. But this one has been bothering me for the past several days, and my muse's shouting could not take my procrastination any longer yesterday.

      xoxo Morning

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  6. That was beautiful!
    Don't edit it. I've always thought leaving the writing how it was originally is what makes it more beautiful. :)
    ~Aliah

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    1. Haha... Many people are saying not to edit it. I won't touch a thing on this version, but when I do rewrite a second version I will try to expand it and make the vision of the ride much greater.

      xoxo Morning

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  7. I must agree with everyone else....Its beautiful!!!!!! DONT REWRITE IT! Its amazing, and you are such a great writer I would love to see more! :D
    Clara <3

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Clara! It's going to be hard... my writing instincts tell me otherwise. I'm trying to write a lot ore and post it on the blog, but writing has always been quite personal and my muse likes to take vacations during the most inappropriate times. XD

      xoxo Morning

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  8. Aw, this is so lovely and amazing. Leave it like this!

    Hannie | CHAPTERS LIKE THIS

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    1. Ah,.. the agony, the agony! (I can imagine the princes from "Into the Woods" feeling the pain...) Ah, the feels of writing.

      xoxo Morning

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  9. Replies
    1. Thanks, Lizzie! I love the feedback I'm getting from everyone. ^.^

      xoxo Morning

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  10. The vintage Chevrolet looks beautiful, and you did a nice job on the story; it flows very well, and I enjoyed reading it.
    It is a good feeling riding in the back of a pickup truck. Out here in the country we've done it many a time.

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    1. The vintage Chevrolet isn't my photo, but I am glad that you like the story! My state allows riders in the back of pickup trucks because a lot of the requirements of some heavy work off in the small towns, but since I live in the city and, more so, a place that is very icy and very attracted to car crashes (there are tons that happen here; in fact, one happened two days ago!) I can't ride in the back. Maybe someday, I will.

      xoxo Morning

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  11. I love it! Beautiful imagery.
    Unfortunately, my parents would kill me if I ever rode without a seatbelt, muchless in a truckbed!

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    1. Thank you, Ella! Same with my parents, LOL. Maybe when I'm older, I might try to actually experience it.

      xoxo Morning

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  12. It's perfect. It's brilliant. It's right.

    I'm starstruck.

    xoxo

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    1. I'm glad to here that, Adelaide. :) I really do yearn for this kind of freedom and experience.

      xoxo Morning

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  13. HOLD IT. That was amazing, pure, raw talent. What I just read held me for a second, and I could really envision everything going on. That was beautiful, Morning. You should be a writer :)

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    1. Thank you, Autumn. That's exactly how I felt when I read the piece before publishing it! I am a writer; I want to become an author. But it's hard, and with many people in real life piggy backing on my back and waiting for the dream to happen (my enemy, procrastination, is holding me back. School's not the entire problem; procrastination makes up the majority), I feel pressured. But someday before I graduate, I will have an agent and a book published. I'm about ready to start on my next novel, actually; I just need to ask some friends of mine help on some of the basics and basis.

      xoxo Morning

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    2. When you publish, I'd definitely buy a copy!
      Oh- and yeah, you are a writer, I just meant like a published author =) Which hopefully you will be soon :)

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    3. Yeah, I'm hoping by the end of high school, but with how my current relationship with my teachers and me about my writing in general is going, they'll be like, "HA! I TOLD YOU," or, "HALLELUJAH THIS GIRL CAN WRITE! I TAUGHT HER, MAN." I love and respect my teachers, it's just that it's... weird. XDDDD

      xoxo Morning

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  14. This was beautiful Morning. I can totally connect with the whole feeling of needing to take a risk something, needing to try something new, and absolutely loving it when I have tried it. I especially love the paragraph describing the ride with Mother Earth and Father Sky. You've got a knack for vivid descriptions.

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    1. Thank you, Imogen. I've been feeling this a lot lately, the need of freedom. My muse sometimes brings me ideas that are paralleled to my life. ^.^

      xoxo Morning

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  15. MORNING! Oh my gosh, don't rewrite this. This is just pure perfection. Like Autumn said, I could really picture this scene in my head, which is something that I really like to feel when I'm reading something. It seriously kept me hooked the whole time. Certain parts of the story made me want to learn more about the characters as well, and so you seriously did an amazing job.
    I wish I could write as well as you! This was soooo amazing <3

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    1. Thank you so much! It means a lot coming from you and everyone else; I'm not the world's best writer (my teachers seem to think otherwise. They still talk about me, and I still always assume I'm in trouble. Why do I assume I'm in trouble all the time? It's weird, since I never do anything bad.) If my characters end up relaying me another story, I will share it will you all!

      xoxo Morning

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  16. This. This, was just amazing. You don't need to rewrite it, it is so beautiful. The way you described things was amazing, I painted a picture in my head. You are such an amazing writer Morning, I love it when you share your beautiful work with us.

    ~Noor
    a little bit of sunshine

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! It's becoming such a scarcity for me to share work, but I'm quite embarrassed but grateful for the comments... >.< :)

      xoxo Morning

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  17. This.
    This is absolutely amazing. I don't see the need for a rewrite because (as some of the other commenters have mentioned) it was so honest, authentic, and pure. You have a beautiful way with words. xxx.

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    1. Thank you! I honestly think I'm rubbish at writing, but well, I am motivated to keep going. >.<

      xoxo Morning

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  18. Morning,

    I wandered over to this little corner of the internet after I saw your comment on my Witches LitLove post (thank you, by the way!) and I just wanted to let you know that I love your blog and OMG THIS IS SO GOOD. It's sweet and cute and melts my heart. I can't wait to read subsequent drafts if you decided to revise it, but it's already such a lovely little story. I'll definitely be keeping up with your future writing projects! :)

    -AnQi

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    1. Hi, AnQi! I loved your Witches post! :D You're welcome! And thank you so much! I hope to pick up with my novel projects, but I am currently procrastinating. Most likely tomorrow I am going to get myself out of that slump, though!

      xoxo Morning

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  19. STEP AWAY FROM THE EDITING BUTTON!!

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    1. IT'S SO HARD NOT TO PRESS THE EDITING BUTTON, THOUGH!!!! XDDDD

      xoxo Morning

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xoxo Abigail Lennah