An Explanation About Before

In school, there was a paper that everyone had to read called I and Thou by Martin Buber. According to the author, there are two relationships in this world that take the form in two basic word pairs, I-You, and I-It. I-You represents relationship between a person and another, where one does not judge, or categorize specific details of someone or something, but rather, take whole of the person or thing in the present, as whole. I-It relationships represent the past, where one ends up picking apart what they see. The final sentences of the paper states that without I-It, we cannot survive, but without I-You, we are not human.
I know that this paper sounds confusing—it’s probably one of the more difficult papers I have ever read in school, and it took about two weeks to even get ahold of what he’s saying, but trust me, what I am going explain is going to make much sense as to why I opened with this in the first place.
Some of you may know that life isn’t necessarily at its peak right now, and so, without going into much detail, I made a deal with my parents in which could to continue on doing after school activities as long as my grades are straight A’s. If my grades pass this little “benchmark”, I can continue the next quarter, and if not, goodbye activities for the rest of the semester. So, of course, I said, okay. I will take on this challenge. 

The challenge isn’t as easy to maintain. My grades have currently fluctuated throughout the entire grading scale, and while most of the grades in my classes do make the mark, there are two others that need work. I’ve been studying and memorizing and rewriting and visiting the teachers—

All of this to that I’m secluded and can’t enjoy the little things any more. 

Everything is I-It—everyone is for the future. I study, I work, but I spend my lunch period either asking for help on math or eating my ravioli in the library all by myself while the rest of my friends are off in another teacher’s room that, unlike them, I don’t share with. I can’t even enjoy rehearsal anymore because I’m constantly focused about school, and now the place that I considered my only solace just draws away. It’s constantly the thought in my mind.

Do you want me to tell you what I told my dad after five minutes of being logged into my laptop?
“I’m bored.” 

Literally, this is what I said. Life has been so mundane to the point that I haven’t posted anything in a while. I may be introverted, but I want to talk to people. I crave I-You. I don’t like wasting two hours of my life every day either waiting for the following day to come or just dreading it. I want to go back to rehearsal and school appreciate even the smallest things, but I rarely notice it because I’m constantly in the future. Things like our youngest cast member wearing these cute Halloween knee socks, talking about our jobs after we graduated from Hogwarts (um, half of the people I know are star Quiddich players), and fangirling over Avatar: The Last Airbender; where have these things gone?

Plus, last year, I didn’t do any activities after October, and well, let’s just say that everything for me just slumped there, too. I wouldn’t eat for days and my grades dropped even lower.

It’s important to have school, I get that. Education isn’t something that should be thrown away, and there are many parts of the world where education is still a right being fought for. On the other hand, is that it to life? Mustn’t we also be educated in the lessons that the world offers us, such as friendship, compassion, empathy, and courage? There are just some things that can’t be plainly taught through books and school lessons.

Let’s hope life goes up, shall we?

(P.S. Over the course of the next several weeks, get ready for some more heavy filled posts similar to the one about feminism.) 

Through the Windowsill // Writing

Hello! I have another piece of writing today because I have been busy which is from my novel that I talk least about. I won't reveal the plot, but I hope you enjoy this piece as much as I did writing it! It's slightly edgy, but it's very comedic with bits of irony that may fly over your heads. 

A loud bang came from my windowsill, and I immediately was stirred from my rest. My head still throbbed with the remnants of the three-hour pain brought upon by a water gun fight and the fence of one of the neighbors, the Maimons.
Another bang. I ignored it once again. Was I imagining things? My family was still out, going about whatever needed to be attended in their separate lives. Perhaps I should call my parents. It is the fourth of July after all; no one should be alone on a holiday. I stretched out to reach for my phone near the side of my bed and pressed the buttons. Shoot. No battery. 

The noise came again.
I waddled to my windowsill and burst the window open. “Listen up!” I hollered, “Whoever is throwing something at my bedroom window, would you please stop—ACK!” A basketball had been close to clobbering me. It bounced off the border of the roof and back onto the pavement.
“Oops!” Through the windows I saw many celebrate on their porches. Many danced and lit on sparklers, posing for family photos. Other children were running across the lawns, cheering while on their bikes or in their little red wagons. The atmosphere made me feel glum.

I peered down and my eyes narrowed. Black shaggy hair, pale skin, and warm brown eyes, all belonging to the one person I never thought would have done this. “Mister Zachary Nathaniel Mellow, what the heck are you doing in my darn yard?”

“I came over to see you.” Did I hear his voice squeak in embarrassment? Oh, gosh. I was imagining things—again. I must have been going bonkers. 

I crossed my arm. “Throwing basketballs at someone’s window is very suspicious, especially if it was a guy trying to get a girl’s attention at night. I am pretty sure that if we were in a book, or movie—or if we were written by some teenage girl at six in the evening… Well, you know.” Heat flustered in me, yet I held my nose up indignantly, acting displeased.

"You didn’t hear me ring the doorbell, or answer my calls. I’ve been trying reach your for three hours. Three hours, Addie Rosette Beaton.” He used the same tone I used while pronouncing his full name. I stuck out my tongue. 

“What are you, my boyfriend? I don’t need to do any of those things.” I began to cackle at the idea! Me and Mellow, dating? No, that couldn’t be possible. I may not be friends with him as before, but I know that he could be as shy as a lamb whose fleece was being shed—there’s no way he could ask me, or any girl for that matter, to date him. “Zach, what is it that you wanted to tell me that you couldn’t wait?
“I’m sorry!”
“I doubt you mean it. I’m sure you conspired with your group about this form of deceit during the water gun fight. You’re making my head throb again!”

“No, it’s not that! I accidentally tripped you! Honest!”

“Honest? Or is this payback for what I did in sixth grade, with the slushie? That was nearly two years ago! At least you fell on your back! It was the slushie’s fault.” 

“Blame it on the slushie. Your slushie.” A faint smile ran its course on Zachary’s face. “It is very much like you, to do such a thing.”

“It accidentally spilled! What was I supposed to do?”

“You were supposed to clean it up!” 

“I was doing homework! Don’t make me sound ridiculous! I’m not!”

“I’m not! I’m just saying—“

“You know what? Just stop. We’re making Matthew’s rude remark of us fighting sound true.” I could almost picture Matthew right now, with his crazy red hair and a smile printed on his face, jeering, 

“You sound like a married couple arguing!” This time, there was no point in hiding it: both of us were truly embarrassed of this fact.

I sighed. “I forgive you, Zach. Knowing you my entire life, I know you wouldn’t really do that.” A smile I waved my hand. “Now, shoo! If you stay talking like this, everyone is going to make a big deal out of this. Now, go! Run. Scram.”

He kneeled on one knee. “As you wish, m’lady and queen.”

I laughed mildly, but my attention was brought on by the white van—my family’s van—heading towards our house. “Well, your queen is going to be angry in a couple of seconds if you don’t go. You are hereby dismissed.”

“Hey, Zach!” Dad rolled down the driver’s window, grinning goofily. In the back seat, I could make shape of my siblings, Chloe and Train, holding out their phones. “Are you serenading my daughter? Because, if you’re finally going to ask her out, then I, along with her mother, do grant you permission! Just stay clean, kiddo.”

I groaned, “Da-ad.” Heat came flooding back in my body. The neighbors were starting to take notice and began to applaud the scene and they too, took, began to aim their cameras towards me. Giggle slightly, I shooed Zachary away, and I could swear saw him smiling as he ran back to his house, dribbling the basketball.