I tend to not post a lot of "downs" (short for downsides) about my life, but today, I've scraped the low bottom. If you are not in the mood to listen to a melancholy sort of rant, then this post is not for you.
Today I had theater auditions and I tried my best to come prepared. I had an audition song ever since the month of June, but finding a piece of monologue was hard, something which I spent a month prior to the auditions. I needed to find something that would "fit" and somehow suit either one of the plays, but I couldn't find one that necessarily did that.
Getting to the place where the auditions were held was a mess, because my dad forgot where it was (after all, he drove me there a lot several months ago) and we didn't arrive there early. I had to wait an hour and thirty minutes sitting there in a crowded room, isolated from everyone else and nervously chatting with one of the board members of the theater who was also a teacher of the school that I went to.
Most of the people that I knew from my last play were seasoned actors who've done at least more than two plays (I asked everyone personally, and besides myself, there was also one more person who was a newcomer to theater). That, and they were also the first group to go in to audition. When it was time for my actual audition, I went inside with ten other people and waited patiently, watching and applauding with all of that great shebang.
Then the directors called me up.
We're all our worst critic, right? Well, I did pretty bad. For the monologue reciting, I did a cold reading of a tomboyish swashbuckling fighter from the 17th century who dresses up like a guy. I have this habit of always choosing and receiving weird roles. I stood there, reading and shouting as loud as I can, and (here is the ridiculous part) I waved my arms around in the air and thrashed around with an imaginary rapier sword in my hand. I looked completely ridiculous.
The worst thing that occurred was when I came to the singing portion. The song I chose was More Than Just a Spare, which is about this girl overshadowed by her older sister and doesn't necessarily "fit in" in either the castle or her town. Her character (the singer of the song, which is Anna from Frozen) is... well, you know how Anna is. She's this insanely quirky girl who talks about how "buttons fly". So during that part I acted sad and bitter at the beginning, then the quirkiness came in. I'm pretty sure I looked like this as I sang:
Lovely dancing, Tina Fey. :) In directors were laughing in an amused way. Is that a good thing when two directors and their assistants are holding smiles as you talk about how buttons can't fly and trip on the floor?
I really hope to get into theater for one major reason, really. Okay, so there may be several more reasons (I still want to see all of my friends from my last play! I haven't talked to them in what, four months?) but my main reason is to get out of my house.
My family loves education, I have to admit, and they also value doing extra-curricular activities outside of school. As the saying goes, "Work comes before play." I know that if I do end up getting in or accepted in either of the casts, I'm going to have to do my homework first--the main reason why I'm planning to come straight home from school rather than spending time at the library.
A lot of times, I'm stuck at home. I don't get to really go out and visit my friends from school. I never can go over to their houses and such. Doing theater... gosh, that would help me a lot with my happiness. I can stay inside, yes, but only for so long. Staying inside for long periods of time can make you depressed. That's the reason why I hate summer sometimes-- I'm always forced to stay inside and not interact with any other people outside of my house except for shaking people's hands in church on Sundays.
When I was younger, I used to do taekwondo. My brother and I would do our homework, go to taekwondo for two hours until about seven or eight, and I loved that tiny thrill that I was out and about doing something. Nowadays, my parents wonder why I'm addicted my laptop. I don't want to be that person addicted to my laptop. They say that if you want to not be addicted to something, you got to find a new sort of addiction, and I want to rid of that electronic addiction and replace it with that thrill of going out and doing one of the things that I love.
Should I hope and wish, or should I pray? One time, my friend told me that wishing is handling over the decision to Fate. So I guess I will pray. I'll pray and hope for my happiness and getting into either one of the plays. If I do get into one, then I'll tell you which play I'm in, but if not... well, I'm not sure what to do at that point.
Even if I just get a tiny part as a townsperson or of an ensemble, I don't care. This means a lot to me. As long as I'm in a play, I will be fine. I don't want to submit myself to another two months-- or entire year-- of having to surf on my laptop. I just want to be happy and do something with my life than staring at a tiny little screen.